Jurassic Park: Herbivore Havoc
by Tarbtano
Summary: AU Parody of the first two movies. Instead of heavily stocking his park with carnivores and a few docile herbivores, Hammond decides to start off less grandiose and instead opts to mostly stock his park with herbivorous dinosaurs. After all, things that aren't carnivores are friendly and surely won't cause any problems right?... Wrong. Proofed by Lance Omikron & Faith-Wolff!
1. Chapter 1

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Isla Sorna  
=========

A jovial old man paced down a hall, flanked by two younger persons in lab coats. One, a dark, short haired man tapped at his PDA while the glasses wearing, blonde haired woman went through her notes with a frown. The man upfront, walking down the hallway to survery Site B's paddocks, had an expression comparable to a kid in a candy-store beneath his short, white beard. Hammond surveyed his embryo stock, a good two dozen species cataloged and recorded. It was 1987. Isla Sorna was fully staffed and Isla Nublar's paddocks were nearing completion, meaning he effectively had a zoo prepped and ready with only the need for animals to stock it. They'd already produced so many fantastic creatures on Isla Sorna, some of which were approaching adolescence and be ripe for transport from Sorna to Nublar. He just had to pick which ones.

On instinct he felt compelled to call out and have the oldest _Tyrannosaurus_ as the first animal picked, sure to be a big draw for the kids. But then he paused. John Hammond tapped at his chin as he observed the growing Tyrant Reptile, who was currently ripping apart a cow carcass.

Dr. Henrey Wu and Laura Sorkin, the two chief geneticists, paused and both raised an eyebrow.

Wu grunted and cleared his throat, "Mr. Hammond? You want the first?"

Hammond hummed momentarily before shaking his head, "No, we'll hold off."

Even Sorkin mentally backpedaled, "W-Wait what?"

Hammond nodded his head to his own accretion, "We'll start with mostly herbivores. Should be more containable and need less space."

"Are, are you sure about that?" Wu muttered, "What about drawing crowds?"

Hammond just shook his head and waved a hand, "Baaah, they'll be more than drawn in at the word 'dinosaur'. Besides we'll still have the Rex by time we open, but probably better we get out feet beneath us with the herbivores first. Crowds and kids love big dinosaurs anyways-"

The old man smiled as he paced over to another paddock and motioned towards the behemoth within with his amber headed cane, "Not too many folks bigger than that one."

A long, bellowing, almost blaring honk like what one would hear out of a foghorn called out, quieting even the _Tyrannosaurs_.

"Besides, be safer with the vegetarians!"

==================  
Isla Nublar, 6 years later  
==================

The loading forklift hummed while billowing out its taxed exhaust. The smell of diesel fumes filled the damp, thick tropical air. But that wasn't what caused the multiple armed men comprising the loading teams to recoil when the lift and its cargo lurched out of the foliage addled dirt road. It was the audible hissing of what was inside the metal container the forklift was carrying that did. Waiting for the lift to set the container down in front of one of the park's holding pens, a tanned man touting a ranger's hat and shotgun warily waved to his comrades and shouted over the whirling machine and hissing animal.

"Alright now, pushers move in. Loading team move it," Robert Muldoon barked as several park workers approached the crate and attached the handles to the surface.

Muldoon motioned to the good dozen or so men armed with stun guns and in a few cases, rifles, "I want tasers on full charge."

The container clicked onto the rails beneath it and at the loading team approached it to grip the sides and slide it across the rails and into the holding pen. A shriek was heard and something banged on the inside of the container, affording a brief glimpse of sharp quills poking out from between the air slits. A worker barked and stumbled back to grab his chest.

Muldoon kept his voice low as he patted the worker's shoulder, "Alright, steady. Get back in there now, push. Get back in there, Don't let her know you're afraid."

With much reluctance, he complied and soon he and the other loading team got the crate up to the gateway to the paddock.

"Loading team step away, Gatekeeper-" Muldoon muttered with his subordinates being all too eager to comply, "Joffrey, raise the gate!"

Joffrey, a seasoned veteran of dangerous animal care and longtime worker at the park. He was three days until retirement when the owner of gleaming orange eyes glared at him. A brilliant shrieking cry, almost like the screaming brakes of a car, sounded off as the creature within the crate charged forward and slammed into the gate he was opening. The recoil of such force at such speed caused the entire container to slide back on its rollers several feet and for Joffrey to lose his footing and fall to the side. Then it all seemed to happen at once.

Joffrey tried to scrambled to his feet only to get yanked back towards the container and scream out in pain as multiple serrated fangs dug into his leg to the bone. He yelled and clawed at the ground and container wall to try and gain a purchase and not get pulled back. Muldoon rushed to his side and grabbed his old friend around the middle, having to drop a shotgun in the process. The game warden glimpsed the gleaming orange eyes, filled with rage, leering back at him. The creature, the monster grabbed Joffrey's leg and chomped down on his thigh while holding onto his body with its arms and kicking back with powerful legs to continue pulling away.

Multiple workers with stun guns and electric prods rammed their weapons through the air slits, electrocuting and jabbing the monster over and over again to little effect. A broad tail lashed out and slammed into the container wall in the direction of most of the workers. Many of them screamed and recoiled in bloody display as their hands, arms, and in several cases, faces and eyes, were gouged into by quills that stayed lodged into their bloody flesh.

"Shoot her!" Muldoon roared as Joffrey slipped further in.

The monster refused to go down, veiled in a shower of electric prod-borne sparks, ricocheting gunfire, and Joffrey's blood. It glared back at Muldoon even as it finally started to convulse. It was making its intentions clear when it tore off most of Joffrey's thigh and bit down again on his stomach, vice-like jaws and large fangs refusing to give. It never took its eyes off Muldoon. It wasn't going to eat Joffrey, just kill him. And it would do the same to Muldoon.

"SHOOT! HEEER!"

Joffrey's arm went limp and it slipped out of Muldoon's grasp to the echoing cracks and rumbles of gunfire.

==========  
South Africa  
==========

"Look at the angled plates the teeth all line up to form, perfect for shearing through the toughest vegetation one might find in a forest. Tooth replacement was all at once so I could eat the toughest shrubs."

"That doesn't sound very scary!"

The flannel shirt and four layers of dust wearing Dr. Grant turned around, his line of sight parting the volunteers like Moses did the Red Sea to reveal a heavy set youth, younger than eight or so, in a baseball cap and striped shirt.

"More like a, six foot Bambi!", the five year old barked; obviously in the 'bratty' phase.

Dr. Grant sighed as he walked forward with his hands on his hips.

"Try to... Imagine yourself in the Jurassic period," he started.

Dr. Sattler her palm to her face, knowing what was coming, "Oh god..."

Dr. Grant patted the air with his hands to indicate height as he started to spin his tail. One he had kept prepped and ready for just such an occasion. Most people who want to come to a fossil dig, let alone in South Africa, are wanting to find the predators. _Tyrannosaurus, Albertosaurus, Allosaurus, Deinonychus,_ the lions, tigers, and wolves of their day; regardless of if those genera even existed on the continent they were on. Not as many are eager to dig up a complete, remarkably complete as it was relatively big, herbivore the size of a man. After all so many movies show herbivorous dinosaurs as little more than helpless protagonists fleeing from the predator or cannon fodder for the predators to tear to pieces. Most people don't know the deer, moose, or bison are far more dangerous to people than wolves, tigers, and lions ever were in terms of body count.

"You get your first good look at this 'six foot Bambi' when you enter the clearing, but he already knew you were there long before you emerged from the brush and is already facing you. He might resemble a deer or bird in manner, chewing on leaves and bobbing his head. And," Grant motioned with his hand to his eyes and the child's, "You think he'll flee because he's not a carnivore like , but no, not _Heterodontosaurus._ You stare at him, and he just stares right back… And that's when the attack happens, not from the front- but from the side."

Grant swung his arms inward with raised index fingers, making a shark whistling sound to indicate movement. He stopped just short of the Eric's eyeballs, causing them to widen.

"From the other two Heterodons, you didn't even know where there…," Grant chuckled as he paced away slightly, " _Heterodontosaurus_ is a herd animal, moving about in troops or sounders like chimpanzees or wild boars, moving about as a group and viciously protecting their foraging grounds from other competitors. Often they'd gang up on an enemy if they got an opening."

Noticing how he was now losing young Mr. Kirby's attention, Grant retrieved something from his pocket.

"And he gnashes at you with this," he quipped while revealing a long, almost dagger-like fang with visible serrations running across its lengths, "Five inch, serrated fang, like a hacksaw, two on each jaw. Mostly used for chopping tough plants but they're plenty sharp just like a boar or ape's."

When Grant held up the fang and got close to him, Eric Kirby's eyes became like dinner plates.

"They're not predators so they don't bother to rip out your jugular like a lion. Not instantly… Instead he rips into you here-"

Grant mock-slashed the youth across the thigh, letting images pertaining to four such fangs sawing into his flesh and pulling the muscle from the bone sink in.

"Ooor here,-"

Grant motioned again, this time knifing the tooth across the kid's collar to summon a vision of such dagger-like fangs gnashing into the muscle and arteries present.

"-Or, maybe across the belly," Alan muttered with a slight chuckle as he dragged the fang's tip across the now quivering youth's stomach and tensed the point to his shirt, "emptying out your intestines, make you go into shock and die of blood loss… Point is, you are alive until they decide to kill you."

He cocked an eyebrow and looked Eric Kirby in the eye with a smirk, "So, try to show a little respect?"

The kid rapidly nodded, now thoroughly traumatized the next time he so much as looked at a pig.

 **Author Note: _Heterodontosaurus_ is a genus that is not nearly as big as it is in this story. I did this on purpose and I'm lampooning the odd size changes a lot of JP dinosaurs are subject to. The real life species, _Heterodontosaurus tucki_ is roughly house cat to jackal size.**

 **UP NEXT:**  
 **The break out replacement!**


	2. Chapter 2

The tour was not going well. A complete no-show from one animal the tour voice-over mentioned was feathered and venomous, one sick _Baryonyx_ Dr. Sattler and Dr. Harding were tending to, with the poor thing likely ill from swallowing West Indian lilac while trying to get at the stones beneath it for gastroliths, and another no-show before the exhibit they were parked in now. Wasn't a complete wash of a day, Grant, Malcolm, Gennaro, and company had gotten to see the brilliant display of a fully grown _Tyrannosaurus_ at a safe distance as their first greeting to the park; with the animal thankfully being relatively safe when given space after it had eaten. From that hilltop vantage point, they'd seen a small pack of _Herrerasaurus_ and even a _Metriacanthosaurus_ calmly sunbathing. Content with full bellies and lack of competitors, the carnivores were in a utopia and didn't make much attempt to hide. It was one of the biggest herbivores of all time that was making itself mysteriously scarce.

Earlier Mr. Arnold had sounded off a speaker mounted on the side of the road opposite the fence, projecting out a booming echo almost like a foghorn. Just as the fences and other systems started to go haywire from Nedry's meddling, the speaker had gone off several more times before the power finally went out. So when Gennaro, Lex, and Tim heard the same sort of bellow again, there was actually a bit of hesitant excitement that the power might finally be coming back on.

Except when the low boom called out again, Tim froze when he recognized that the magnificent noise was coming from behind the fence. He looked up with his night vision goggles and glimpsed a broad limb holding onto the fence and a pair of massive eyes peering out from behind the brush. Gennaro followed Tim's line of sight and wet himself when he saw a pair of eyeshine looking down at the cars from over 25 feet of in the air. From the pinging rain, he could just barely make out the rough outline of a sweeping head, a massive snout four feet in span and at least five feet in length.

"O-Oh Jesus," he gasped before he scrambled out of the car and ran to the only shelter available, the bathrooms.

The older Murphy child was wide eyed, glimpsing the dinosaur and seeing the only available adult fleeing, "H-H-H-He left us.. He left us!"

Grant raised an eyebrow as a frantic Gennaro ran past the tour car he and Malcolm were in.

"Where does he think he's going?" Grant muttered, only seeing some lunatic running off in the middle of a tropical storm.

Malcolm shrugged, "Well when you gotta go, you gotta go?"

A metallic screech caught both of their attention and both men looked up to behold the sight of the fences sagging forward from loose cables. Unable to produce any charge of electricity, the fences were helpless before the oncoming onslaught. An absolutely enormous shape appeared from the tree line and leaned up behind the fence with tightened muscles.

Lex and Tim meanwhile were trying not to hyperventilate. Lex looked back to the other tour car pleadingly, too scared to form a coherent sentence, "Dr. Grant."

A pair of forelimbs tipped in broad, hoof-like hands, slammed into the fence like a boxing horse and the ground shook with thunder from tremors. The fence came crashing down and the titanic beast stepped out onto it. It was a bizarre looking creature by any account, walking on all fours at the moment with dissimilar limbs. Its body was chiefly a dark, deep rusty brown with ivory hues across the belly and pale horizontal stripes across the legs. The forelimbs were smaller, but still functional as legs, with all but the 'pinkie' fused into what could only be compared to a mixture of a horse's hoof and a elephant's pillar-like foot. The hind limbs, which were massively more robust and longer were tipped in three toed, broad feet that might draw comparison to a much bulkier and more muscular version of an emu's foot. The tail was extremely tall and thick, easily ten feet from top to bottom at the base and up to twenty feet long. Lining the creature's back were short, raised scales or spines like what one would find on an iguana, with the rest of the body coated in pebble-like scales that repelled the raindrops. The front half was less robust than the rear half, gradually shrinking after a broad, muscular torso to a slightly long neck. The head of the animal however, was massive. Easily as long or broad as the _Tyrannosaurus_ they had seen earlier, the shape moderately recalled a hornless bull's in the back half of the skull, with the addition of a half circle crest or comb mounted on the back in the middle of the head between the brows. The crest and enlarged nasal passages were a deep, bloody red when they flared up, leaving lines of crimson to encircle the eyes and upper face in brilliant or frightful display. The front half however, snapping audibly over the rain, looked almost like a beak from a spoonbill or, of all things, a duck.

But the odd body shape wasn't what spurred the fear and confusion from the children and shock by Grant or Malcolm. It was sheer, sheer size. When it took a step, the entirety of the two cars shook. The closest any of the persons had come to such mass was the _Tyrannosaurus_ from earlier or, if they ever happened to find one in a zoo, an extremely large bull African Elephant. But either of those were six to eight tons. When this creature, this titan stood up and started walking on its hind legs, twenty tons were hitting the ground. And when it threw its head up into the air, the _Shantungosaurus_ , the largest Hadrosaur of all time and largest dinosaur to not be a sauropod, had a voice to match.

An enlarged nasal cavity and the wattle-like head crest flared out and amplified an already extremely loud, foghorn like call. The tour group reactively covered their ears from the sonic blasts which cracked the glass windows on the cars in multiple places!

Malcolm winced, hoping his ears weren't bleeding now, "Boy I hate being right all the time…"

Before Grant could call out 'What?", they had to cover their ears again from the Shantungosaurus bellowing out once more. The massive Hadrosaur looked about and started to circle around the entrance to its paddock, looking for something. It gave the two doctors time for their ears to stop ringing and whispered to each other as the titanic beast wandered about.

"It's looking for something," Malcolm muttered.

Grant noticed something through the rain when the animal passed in front of their headlights. Even through the downpour he could see it, a discoloration behind the animal's eyes that seem to trickle down its face. He recognized it from seeing elephants in the field at South Africa.

"Oh God, it's in musth," he swore under his breath.

"What?"

Grant flinched as the creature moved directly past the car, still investigating and grumbling lowly in a way that reverberated the entire airspace.

"Mating season hormone overdose. See the secretions behind the eye?"

"So it thinks the speaker was a mate? But it's the only one of its type here."

Grant very reluctantly shook his head, "Guesswork, but they must've recorded the call without knowing what it really was. All the animals in the park are the same sex so it heard itself and thought it was a competitor. It took it as a challenge."

"And uh, how dangerous are animals in this crazy state?"

Grant frowned grimly, "The most dangerous on the planet."

"Oh that's- that's just great," Malcolm, "It's turned on and pissed off...Shi-!"

By the time a frantic Lex fished out a flashlight, Malcolm was trying not to swear from the _Shantungosaurus_ nudging their car. While it was barely more than a tap, the over two meter long head and enormous mass nearly knocked the car off its railing mounts. Lex was in an uneasy state of mind however, she knew what was causing the animalistic wailing around the cars and was so scared out of her mind she didn't notice her actions accidentally spurred the Hadrosaur's attention.

"Turn the light off, turn the light off!" Grant whispered.

The ground began to shake again as it walked over toward the car the children were in. Tim's eyes widened and he launched himself at his big sister.

"T-Turn the light off!"

"I-I'm sorry! I-", realizing her error and fighting for the flashlight with her brother, Lex tried to mash the surface and find the power switch. But in the children's understandable fright, they made two fatal errors. The first was Tim reactively shutting the door Gennaro had fled out of, which got the Hadrosaur's attention. The second was Lex, in her fright to turn the light off, accidentally shone it directly into the _Shantungosaurus'_ face and eyes. The massive herbivore let out another booming, foghorn like roar at point-blank range. The two children shrieked back both from terror, the window was shattering in several cases, and each of them ruptured at least one ear drum. Hearing the screams and already enraged in its hormonal state, the _Shantungosaurus_ rammed its head through the only surviving window, the skylight.

Miraculously the extremely tough glass withstood the impact for the most part, but the two children were pinned down between their seats with the titanic monster on the other side visible through the distorting raindrops. The sharp cutting blades of its beak screeched across the glass before the _Shantungosaurus_ bellowed. It bit down on the car's window mountings, chomping down between where the windshield and skylight connected and lifted up, picking the whole car up and off the ground, tearing it free from the railing in the process. It lifted the vehicle and its terrified occupants upwards several meters before mashing it into the pavement. The Hadrosaur hissed and shook its head back and forth, grinding the car into the gravel so hard it broke the wheels off after busting the axles. Taking the sound of the busting tires as some call from its oddly shaped rival, the _Shantungosaurus_ picked the car up and threw it down again, this time overturning it before stomping on the underside of the hood.

Grant dug through the emergency kit and drew up the items within. Discarding the flares, he picked up one of two things that just might work. Hauling himself out of the car, he took in the torrential downpour and waved an air horn in the air.

"HEY!" the paleontologist yelled over the rain before loosing a blaring honk from the device.

The _Shantungosaurus_ dropped the car and looked up at him with glaring eyes and honked a short bellow back. In the other car, Malcolm watched on with wide eyes as he pulled out the other horn.

Outside, Grant was beeping the horn back and forth as he swayed it about to throw around the noise. The _Shantungosaurus_ watched and looked in the directions he kept pointing the horn, expecting to find a rival or similar species. Finally Grant jammed down the release button to keep the horn sounding off and chucked it through the fence. The _Shantungosaurus_ bellowed and left the car, ignoring the noises from within it to investigate the incessant honking. But just as Grant started to head for the car the kids were in, he found his path blocked by the creature's massive tail. That's when a new source of blaring noise called out over the storm.

"HEY HEY! HEY!" Malcolm, who had left the car and was jumping up and down in the storm, bellowed while waving his arms and honking the other air horn.

"IAN! CEASE!" Grant called out to no avail as the _Shantungosaurus_ started to look over at the new source of noise.

Malcolm only started running whilst continually blasting the air horn, "GET THE KIDS!"

The _Shantungosaurus_ , eyes dilated in rage, stayed reared up to its towering height of over 30 feet at it started to pace after Malcolm. Even without going into a full sprint, its massive stride was more than enough to start gaining on the chaotician.

Grant yelled out as loud as he could even as he started running for the overturned car, "GET RID OF THE HORN!"

"JUST GET THE KIDS!" Malcolm roared back as he threw the horn aside and kept running.

But unlike with Grant, this time the _Shantungosaurus_ didn't chase after it. It had figured out the humans made the challenging calls and it was going to put an end to it. Deep inside the restroom Malcolm was fleeing too, Gennaro kept continuously muttering incoherent prayers as the pounding footsteps drew closer. Finally he screamed and shut the lavatory door just as the _Shantungosaurus_ ' head, with Malcolm's leg lodged its beak, rammed down the structure. Malcolm was thrown aside, covered up by the falling reed and thatch roofing. Gennaro quivered on one of the sole remaining structure, the toilet, as the mammoth beast hovered above him.

The _Shantungosaurus_ tilted its head to and fro, trying to figure out the situation. Gennaro quivered and tried to lean back away from the head bigger than he was, when his elbow hit the toilet lever. The half broken toilet tried to flush, making a loud whooshing sound due to the broken pipes. It caused the Hadrosaur's eyes to dilate and it reared up with a bellow. Before Gennaro had more than a second to scream out, the bucking forelimb came crashing back down onto it and smashed into him. Thankfully he was likely, hopefully, already dead when the powerful arm and broad footpad shattered most of his skull and forced it into his chest cavity with so much torque his ribcage all but exploded outwards. He at least most certainly was when most of his body came crashing downwards and was stuffed into the toilet bowl before the Hadrosaur's foot kept going and ended up smashing that to pieces as well in a gory display.

A ways away, Grant worked to try and get the children out of the overturned car. Lex helped him in grasping her little brother's arm and trying to tug him free.

"AH! I'M STUCK! SEAT'S GOT MY FEET!", the poor boy had to yell given blood was trickling from one of his ears, temporarily deafened.

Grant patted his cheek to make him look at him and hope he could read his lips to help understand him, "I'll-Get-You-Next."

Lex felt the ground shake and looked back, eyes widening and shrieking in terror. Grant turned around and mentally swore, covering the girl's mouth and hoping she didn't reflexively bite him as he pulled her against the car.

"No noise!" he tried to whisper into her good ear, "He reacts if you make noise!"

A massive, three toed foot stomped down on the rainy, gravel road and a head the size of a horse loomed down at the car. The _Shantungosaurus_ bull snorted, bloody ichors that used to be Gennaro still running down half its forelimb. This creature, turned male by the scent of the nearby similar _Parasaurolophus_ herd and its frog genes, was figuring out what in its hormone-addled mind made it hate in the search for a mate. In nature it would be competitors, rival males and females, and would take its anger out on trees or other trespassers if it found them. But in Isla Nublar, it was figuring out something else it really didn't like. Humans and cars.

The _Shantungosaurus_ smacked the side of its head into the car, spinning it around and pushing it towards the edge of the fence near the drop-off point. Grant and Lex scrambled about behind it, trying not to get crushed or slip on the rain soaked ground. The god awful screech of metal sounded off when the Hadrosaur reared up and stomped a forelimb into the undercarriage, crushing it down like a soda can. Tim screamed in pain and terror, barely able to hear or breathe. The primal shriek enraged the _Shantungosaurus_ and spurred frantic yells of her little brother's name by Lex. She tried to dig under the car to pull him out and away from whatever was hurting him while the Hadrosaur honked and snapped its beak at the underside of the car to try and bite, mash, and silence the cause of the noise. The car was pushed up against the fence with another great shove, forcing Lex and Grant into teetering on the edge of the drop-off.

Grant, thinking as quick as he could, grabbed Lex's arm and put her to his back as he seized hold of the snapped fence cable. Luckily Lex caught on even as her attention was focused on her brother's silenced screams when the Hadrosaur crushed down on the car again. Getting on Grant's back, she tried to see through the mud and rain in her eyes and hear with her only unburst eardrum as the world went vertical. Grant climbed down the wire just as the car started to get pushed over the edge. Realizing they'd be crushed, he looked to the other wire hanging off the wall and braced his feet against the wall to stand up and move.

"Ah-grk! Lex grab the wire!", Grant yelled as he bounded as close as he could to it, needing her to grab it and pull them aside as he couldn't risk letting go of the already slippery cable they were holding onto.

She wasn't able to do it, either from being too terrified or not being able to hear him. Frantically Grant raised his voice while throwing himself as close as he could to the wire.

"GRRAAAB! THE WIRE!" he roared so loud it tore part of his throat as the raindrops pelting his face ceased for a moment as he was shaded by the overhanging car.

The _Shantungosaurus_ barked and bumped the car forward and it started to tip. Grant frantically kicked out the wall to get them clear as he could. Lex thankfully either heard him or figured out what to do once she snapped out of her stupor and yanked on the wire to clutch it close. Grant grabbed on and pulled them aside just as the blur of green and red that was the crushed car sailed past them.

High above in the torrential downpour, a living foghorn bellowed out in a call that dwarfed lightning's crackle and thunder's boom.

 **Up Next:**  
 **Nedry's encounter and car chase!**


End file.
